My ADHD made me do it
When you have ADHD you realise that sometimes you can do things a bit extreme. I've come to understand my ADHD traits a lot more since diagnosis, but December 2022 taught me something, I don't fully understand how to harness the power of my ADHD.
I nearly ended my marriage because I let my emotions run away with me, I didn't step back, take a breath and focus on the situation as whole. I went into the biggest state of fight or flight I have ever been in, the good news is, we sorted things out. Some clouds can have a silver lining. Moral of the story, give yourself time before you do anything, when emotions are high!
November the 24th at precisely 5:50pm, the kids had gone upstairs and I was plating dinner for me and my husband after he'd just come home from work. We sat down and I could just feel something was off.
Out of nowhere, while we were eating he told me he was unhappy. I began to freak out. I started to rub both sides of my face, repeatedly telling myself everything was going to be okay, then I went to hide in the bathroom.
He decided it was best that he left and stayed at his mothers house. I didn't know what hit me, the confusion was out of this world and I can only compare the pain to grief.
We texted the next day and I asked if he was coming back, he replied with no, I'm sorry. That's when I hit the red button.
I know I flipped my shit, he acted in the only way he felt was right at the time, and I reacted. Well, I overreacted, but I didn't know what else to do and my brain went into autopilot after that button was hit.
Within a day of him leaving I applied for a divorce, took him off the car insurance, sorted a new bank account, sorted out all the bills, called every dam person I needed to and took all his possessions up to his mothers where he was staying. We discussed money and visits with the kids, I covered every base I could think of because I wanted everything sorted ASAP.
The worst part is that I felt like I was thriving during the crisis. In between breaking down, my brain was bathing in the chaos, stress, and adrenaline, I felt like I was doing all the right things for all the right reasons. My actions were so fast my mind and body couldn't keep up.
The truth is, I knew nothing at that moment in time. My husband said that he was unhappy, okay, that's a tough pill to swallow, but instead of flying into survival mode, I can now see that I should have given it time, more importantly he needed time.
Neither of us were to blame for the temporary split, it boiled down to minor problems that neither of us openly talked about or worked on, and eventually it blew up.
That whole shit storm turned out to be a blessing in disguise, there were a lot of lessons learned, and that maybe, just maybe, I need to work on taming that part of myself that scares the shit out of me.